Sunday, February 12, 2017

Am I, Am I Not

So this is very interesting (http://www.ada-hoffmann.com/2017/02/11/autistic-book-party-episode-29-experimental-film/), particularly because it's the first review I've ever seen of Experimental Film that acknowledges that Lois Cairns herself might be on the Autism spectrum. And since I modelled Lois so directly on myself, it basically boils down to me feeling like I've been "recognized" by a fellow neuroatypical, someone who has a "legitimate" diagnosis, as opposed to someone who's essentially diagnosed themselves in hindsight.

Because much as I sometimes gather the courage to post things like this (http://handful-ofdust.livejournal.com/576504.html) at my other blog, there is indeed a large thread of self-doubt in my nature, the kind which pops up every time I read a list of Asperger's Syndrome symptoms and note things like "ah, but people with Asperger's aren't supposed to like fiction, or know how to make up stories, and that's certainly not me! Could I be wrong? Am I claiming something about myself that's simply not true?" Is this internalized ableism? Well, maybe; it might also be my brain shying away from grabbing someone else's identity up and running with it, from potentially being the Rachel Dolezal of neuroatypicality.

But here it is in black and white, all linkable-to and stuff: Lois rings true, which means I ring true, by default. I'm sure it seems like an odd thing to be proud of, and yet.;)

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